David Webber, January 27, 2024
“Many people would do more social good, if they knew how to do it.” So my mother said back in the 1960s. About 60 years later, I’m thinking she was, and is, right. My hunch is that for every person, stereotypically a man, who yells “Get a job” to a panhandler from inside his secure, protected vehicle, there are a dozen people who would share a meal, provide extra clothes, give a ride, even share a spare bedroom if they could connect and make it work smoothly and safely. Some of them probably volunteer around town, but others would be more involved if they knew how to make it happen
Over the past four years, I’ve distributed Bombas socks, it will be 74,000 pairs by the end of 2024, to low-income and homeless organizations and individuals in mid-Missouri. I mostly distributed the socks through government and nonprofit organizations, but I posted on a local Facebook group that I could provide some socks to anyone who had a way to distribute them to the intended users —“the needy” as my mother would have called them. I was generous but a good steward of the socks so I engaged the sock recipients in conversation.
I particularly remember five women who contacted me last year. One ran a second-hand shop out of her garage on the outskirts of Columbia. When I delivered socks to her, I noticed she didn’t appear all that prosperous. One woman simply took them to her church, which had an “extra clothes” room. I met a third in front of Walmart who said she stopped her old car in public parking and offered clothing out of her trunk. It was a rather old trunk.
One woman told me, “I just know lots of people who need them.” I gave her 75 pairs. I delivered some to a another woman in the Columbia Public Library parking lot who told me how seeing how I distributed socks reinvigorated her and caused her to re-establish her Christmas gift giving to families staying at Welcome Inn and other local low cost hotels. I didn’t see that coming.
Over the past three years, I’ve learned of several women who have gone far beyond distributing socks and actually housed families with children and adult men at their own expense without the support of government or nonprofit organizations. Yes, all of the caregivers I know of are women. I’ve noticed that women volunteers at Loaves and Fishes and Room at the Inn are more frequent than men — but that’s a topic for another column.
I learned of a woman who allowed a unhoused man to stay in her house, intending it would be a few days. She helped him get identification, took her to job interviews and cared for his dog. She was surprised as he slowly took over her kitchen and electronics with no signs of his moving out. Apparently, she never felt her physical safety was at risk but she eventually asked for help to see that he moved out.
Another woman told me she has housed several different men at different times on a neighboring lot on the outskirts of Columbia, encouraging them to do small tasks and gardening. My sense is that she has mixed feelings about her caregiving efforts. She learned that many homeless men have legal, physical and mental issues about which she could do little.
Somewhat similarly, a different woman told me she provided pet food to several homeless men but she ultimately felt unappreciated without seeing much change in their situations. In both cases, these women seemed to have established boundaries due to their physical situations.
Several women have provided short-term shelter to families needing help due to domestic instability, housing problems and job loss. They see themselves as stopgap caregivers, providing help until more permanent housing and assistance can be obtained.
Perhaps the longest ongoing “success” story I am aware is a woman who responded to an anonymous posting on a local Facebook group by a woman on the brink of being evicted from a hotel because of complaints about unruly children who had many disabilities. The potential caregiver responded after realizing that her four bed, threebath house was largely unused because of her two jobs and it needed physical maintenance. It’s been more than a year and a half and the family is still with her, paying a small rent, but more importantly helping her care for the house, too. The caregiver reports that the children have blossomed with stable living, a backyard, and a third person, almost a grandmother, with whom to interact. She wrote, “I am a conservative and so frustrated with the homeless situation in this town. I do feel society just throws money at the problem without bringing any real tangible solutions. The number of people begging for help to find decent housing is terrible. I just think we can’t be the only ones in the situation we both were in, who could benefit from similar solutions …”
What all these caregivers seem to have in common, beyond their compassion, is their belief that society needs to do more and to better —but not necessarily more of what we are currently doing. As I have learned from talking with homeless adults who won’t go to shelters and observing college students at risk, many people don’t do well in institutional settings with well-intended caseworkers structuring their lives.
Columbia has many organizations, such as Love Columbia and the United Way, addressing the needs of families who know how to navigate their processes and have the time and temperament to obtain the services they need. There are lots of potential caregivers and care receivers who would mutually benefit helping one another. There are, of course, the potential obstacles of physical boundaries, clear understanding of the arrangements, any rental agreement and any potential liability. Columbia should find a way to assist and educate more potential caregivers.
David Webber joined the MU Political Science Department in 1986 and wrote his first column for the Missourian in 1994.